impulsivewords's Datingish

Crush

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 02:08:04 GMT

I like him, but I'm too shy. I want to make conversation, but I dont know how to.

Should I smile at him and hope that he notices? Should I say "hi" and hope that he waves back. How come I get so shy around guys I have a crush on. And then just end up with the ones who are brave enough to just ask me out...

How do I flirt without looking so needy?

Being the Dirty Mistress

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 02:21:10 GMT

Maybe it's the times and today's society, or maybe it's because I'm getting older, but it feels almost every guy I meet has cheated on their girlfriend or wouldn't mind cheating on her.

I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend, whom I had decided to remain friends with, was in a long term relationship with another woman, who he was living with at the time we were dating. I should have known that he was seeing someone because he wouldn't let me see his apartment, and kept a passlock on his phone. - Not that i'm the type to go through his phone without his permission, and not that I would ever need the permission to go through his phone at all.

We dated for about 2.5 months before I was to move away from him, and perhaps never see him again. I mean, we both knew that the relationship was going to be short, and we both inherently knew that we had no intentions of having a long-distance relationship. But still, the time that I spent with him meant a lot to me. I cared for him, believed in him, and loved spending time with him. After I moved away, we stayed in touch - mainly through email or text messages here and there. One night, I get a surprised message from his "girlfriend" - and she is going off the roof asking if I knew he had a girlfriend or not. A girlfriend, he had been dating for 4 years and living with for 3 years. Clearly I had no idea, so I told her to call me so that we could talk about this issue. She responded by saying she did not want to hear my voice on the phone, which I thought was a bit strange.

Later, he apologizes, and says that he left his phone in a cab - and was just able to get it replaced when he contacted me again. I told him what happened with the girl, and he denies it - saying that it must have been someone playing a trick.

But I dont see how a person who is playing a trick can seem so angry. I'm almost sure he's lying... I know it doesn't really matter anymore since I will probably never see him again, but I feel like a fool for thinking for a moment that we actually could have made things work if I were to have stayed in the area.

So who is really at fault? The dirty mistress or the guy?

What about cases where you're just having a sexual relationship with a person who has a girlfriend or boyfriend?

Who is more at fault?

The cheater or the mistress?

CHANGE

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 02:14:03 GMT

Many lives have been changed today, March 11, 2011 as a devastating earthquake caused a tsunami in Japan. Death, injury, starvation, poverty, post-trauma, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc - people's lives have been changed all within the past 24 hours (and less). A country has been changed. The world has changed.

Change.

So many people want change. They want to change their looks, their professions, their relationships, their economic status - and they want the change to happen within a quick moment. But have you ever noticed that most changes that happen quickly are usually devastating events? Today: a thousand people died. People lost their families, their friends, their homes, their lives - everything that they worked for - ALL GONE. changed.

A man wanted to fix his rain gutters and climbed a ladder but took a nasty fall, and in the matter of seconds, became brain-dead. changed.

There are countless stories of devastation that all have happened within short moments. and lives were changed.

But there are stories of people who work hard - day after day after day and become successful. change.

why is it then, that we want such quick change?

Freedom

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 16:38:12 GMT

Several years ago, my boyfriend - now ex-boyfriend told me that he wanted to be free. So I asked him if I was tying him down, and he replied, no. I wasn't tying him down. Neither he nor I really knew what being free was, but we knew what being free wasn't.

He was confused with what being free really meant, and for some reason he associated freedom with being out of a relationship, maybe so that he could do whatever he wanted to do. So being free is doing whatever we want. So then marriage, in this context, means losing our freedom.

Why is it then that many Christians believe that marriage with Christ means freedom. If marriage is losing our freedom then why are people getting married. A friend of mind told me that being married is the best feeling in the world and at the same time the worst feeling in the world - bringing out the best of him and the worst of him.

Freedom in Christ. Marriage with Christ. The reason why marriage can be very freeing for some people is because they are no longer "on the search" for that "special someone". They are freed from their loneliness, freed from rejection. Yet at the same time, because they are freed from these things, they are bonded to a relationship. Which should be a good thing, but in this twisted world - some find this kind of commitment more like a cage. Not allowing us to do certain things, and when we do the certain things that we aren't suppose to do, we feel guilty. No, we ARE guilty.

That's life. Life has certain rules or laws we have to follow: Don't kill people, don't steal, don't lie, don't commit adultery ~ yes, these things are in the Bible, but whether a person is Christian or not, they know these are the rules of life, these are humane rules. However, Freedom in Christ means that I am no longer subject to the law of God. I am no longer condemned by it. Meaning, when I slip up, I am forgiven. I don't have to live in guilt or shame because the Creator of the rules have forgiven me for them. Forgiveness can be very profound for someone who doesn't deserve forgiveness.

Many times, I feel that I cannot forgiven even myself. I judge myself, and I condemn myself.

Freedom. I want to experience freedom. Real freedom - the no shame. The living without feeling shameful. Living with joy in my heart.

10 Red Flags that he is NOT a keeper

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 03:55:25 GMT

Red flag = danger zone

some of these can be red flags with women as well.

1. He screens your calls. He screens your calls and your text messages and does not reply within 24 hours. This man does not respect your time nor does he respect you. Of course there are cases where things happen and he is unable to pick up or reply within 24 hours, but if it happens often, it is a red flag.

2. He introduces you as "a friend". When men love women, they want to tell the way that "this is MY woman" or "this is MY girl". Men, similar to dogs, like to mark their territory. If he is still calling you "a friend" to his boys, this is a red flag.

3. He does not protect you. Most men grow up being told that they must protect their family: their mother and their sisters - if they have any. Therefore, signs that he wants to protect you whether it's from another dude, getting run over by a car, from the cold, or whatever you might need protection from, this is a good sign. However, if isn't doing his duty as man towards you, this is a red flag

4. He doesn't provide. Men are always told and feel the need to provide for your family. I understand that these days, many couples go dutch: each party pays for their own or they split a check. There are circumstances when a man is unable to provide, but during these times most men who love their families will go by any means so that their loved ones will be fed. Men want to provide for their family, they want to provide for their loved ones, and so if he is not providing, then it's a red flag.

5. He dangerously flirts with other women. If it appears that your man is hitting on another women, this is a huge red flag. He should not be exploring other options if he is in love with you. All men look, it is a given, but if he acts upon his animal instincts then this makes him an animal. Animals are capable of love, but do you really want an animal who is unfaithful? I personally prefer the faithful dogs over the attention whore dogs. Likewise, cheating is NOT acceptable, he should not be putting himself in a situation where there even is a possibility.

6. He is not a man of his word. If he says he will do something but never follows through, this is a red flag. This makes a man totally unreliable. If you do not know if he will be around when you really need him, leave him. Unreliability makes it extremely difficult to trust a man. No trust means no relationship.

7. He doesn't respect your boundaries. No means no. If a man is pressuring you to do something that goes against your morals and the boundaries that you have set up for yourself, he is a douchebag. If you tell him no and he continues to pursue, he does not respect you and he does not love you. Believe it or not, when it comes to sex - men respect women who make them wait. However, if you want to wait, but he keeps pushing, and he resents you for it. Then leave him immediately. If you give in, then you just become his booty and nothing more.

8. He has fed you lies. Some men (and women) are extremely good liars. If two things do not match up, be aware! He can say he loves you, but is f*cking another woman. If something feels shady, don't avoid the situation but do your investigation. Don't stress out until you are totally sure, but if he has lied to you in the past, do not take his words at face value.

9. He is an asshole to your friends/family. Please don't be with a Spencer from the Hills. If your man is only good to you and not your friends, soon or later you will lose all your friend, and then you will have no one to turn to when he is finally an asshole to you. Many times you can tell if a man will be good to you for the rest of his life by the way he treats others in his life.

10. He is not helpful. Again, just like being an asshole. He may be very helpful to you right now, but if he never helpful to others. You better believe that he will not always be helpful. He is simply being helpful now to get you, but once he has you - soon or later all that help is fade away. If he is always helpful to others, he will always be helpful to you.

Made of Honor: Loss and Pain

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 19:32:48 GMT

i just finished watching the movie "Made of Honor".

For some reason, I thought the whole thing was going to be a set-up. I thought Hannah, the best friend and bride, was setting Tom, the maid of honor, up. I thought this was her way of getting him to the altar. I thought it was her way of showing him: if you don't get me now, you'll lose me forever.

Why is it that men don't understand what they've lost until they've lost it?

But not just men all the time. Women, too.

As people, how come we don't understand what we've lost until we've lost it? What kind of human function is this? Do other animals behave in a similar fashion? Is this biological? Or does this only happen to animals with brains? Hence, making it psychological. Either way, people react after there is a loss. People don't react when things are fine and dandy. But people react when they lose something, or if they are in a situation where they are suffering.

Perhaps that is why we need suffering to signal to us humans that something is not right, and we are not living the way we are suppose to be living. Tom should have asked Hannah to marry him a long time ago. Instead, he continued to sleep around with other women until the day she decided to leave for Ireland. He didn't realize how much he loved her until she was gone, and he decided that he wanted to marry her after she was engaged.

< side note: I apologize to anyone who hasn't seen the movie, but the whole movie was pretty predictable - as many chick flicks, but most people watch them anyway because it is so predictable, and they want that "special" happy ending. >

On the other hand, at least Tom realized what he was losing and decided to go back and "steal the bride". I suppose this is what makes the movie a movie - the chick flick, happy ending part. But in reality, I feel like this never happens. In reality, someone chickens out, or someone is too lazy to make the change that needs to happen, or someone decides that living with the pain is easier than dealing with the pain. But then again, there are those who come to their senses and realize that they need to change if they want to live. They need to change if they want to love. They need to change if they want to be happy.

Regardless, "Made of Honor" has gotten me to think about loss and suffering: the way humans respond and the way humans should respond.

Getting Your Ex Back

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:52:52 GMT

I have been reading all these articles on "Getting your Ex back".
Recently, many of my friends have been going through these break-ups, which has sparked my interest on the many articles and e-books explaining how to get one's ex back.

According to T-dub, on Youtube's "Your first move", he says that you're first move is to agree with the breakup - Don't go crazy with texting, don't freak out, but simply accept the breakup.

There are countless articles of mind-games, flirting tactics, being irresistible, attract without being attractive, hypnosis, and the list goes on and on. But do all these things work or are they all just a bunch of scams? That gives consumers, like you and I, false hope while taking all our money.
Can love really be bought? Can love really form from saying certain words and acting different parts to win over a person or to win your ex back?
I think it's possible... maybe?
Unfortunately, I haven't been in a relationship long enough to test out some of these theories...

If you have tested out some of these theories, whether it be "Getting Your Ex Back" or "Flirting Tactics" or "Being a Chick Magnet", please enlighten me and many others of your results. Along with which tactic was used, and why the tactic was helpful.

Ambiguous Relationship

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:51:50 GMT

Ambiguous relationship is a relationship that has no form: not really dating, but not just friends either.

Relationships define the roles that we must play. Yet having no defined relationship means that there is no defined role either. One can't expect the "S.O" to stay faithful, and yet, it is still wrong to cheat. And then comes the holidays, birthdays in particular or Valentine's day. What role are we suppose to play during times such as these?
If one plans such events, the other may think he/she is pushing too strongly for the relationship or moving too fast. Then if one does not plan such events, the other will think he/she does not care.
What if one gets sick? Is one required to take care of the other? Again, the same dilemma is faced here; either the sick will think their "ambiguous S.O" is moving too fast or is apathetic to their health and wellbeing.

The rules of relationships aren't already clear enough. I suppose when one is in an ambiguous relationships, he/she can never truly be in the wrong. Although it may be defined so that no one is in the wrong, people are still hurt, and people still get freaked out. But, ambiguous relationships are unavoidable because it's that period where two people are deciding on whether they like each other or not. Every action is counted. Each action can be detrimental or beneficial, and in most cases, this is unknown because each of the "couples" do not know one another well enough.

Ass or Tits?

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:39:27 GMT

Question for all straight men: Are you an ass guy or a boob guy?

Recently, I have discovered that I can split my guy friends into two groups: ass guys and boob guys. I am still trying to figure out if this liking correlates to their personalities as well.

It would be more effective if I had a larger group of men to study; unfortunately, it is pretty embarrassing to ask all the men that I know if they prefer a big ass or big tits.

So far with those whom I've asked, I have separated them into one of two groups:
a. secretly perverted guy
b. openly perverted guy.

So far, the secretly perverted guys tend to like the ass, and the openly perverted ones like the tits.
Please tell me if your observations match mine.

Should I not say "I Love you"?

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:49:26 GMT

My ex and I have been broken up for over a year and several months. Quite honestly, I am not over him.
I want more than anything to be over him, but for some reason thoughts of him still linger in my mind and the thoughts still bring me pain. At times the pain is just as bad as the first day we broke up.

Why we broke up? I'm not exactly sure. We started dating during the summer, and I had plans to go study-abroad during the spring semester; meaning, we would have a whole semester before we had to even consider breaking up (at least that was what I was thinking in my mind). We broke up while we were still in the honeymoon stages of our relationship, and he said it was because it would be more painful counting down the days we had left and that he couldn't commit to a relationship under our conditions. The strange part is that he knew that I was going to go study abroad before we started dating, and he knew that we would have only a semester together before my departure. For that reason, initially, I did not want to date either, but he told me to trust him and that he saw good things in our future. So I trusted him; now I still hurt.

Regardless, I think I love him. But... should I tell him? or should I just keep it to myself?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated on this... I've been going back in forth in my mind for months and months thinking about whether I should tell him or not. Is there ever a bad time to tell someone you love them? When should you not say "I love you"?